It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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