I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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