Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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