you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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