i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
