i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
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If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize