I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
