I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
