drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
