My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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