i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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