my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
