I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
