Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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