so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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