When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
