Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
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she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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