just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
