i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Did I show you my penis last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Randomize
