R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
