the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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