Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How does one acquire holy water?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
