Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
