I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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