I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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