He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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