You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
