I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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