dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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