Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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