All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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