please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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