Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
