2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
