i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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