You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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