She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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