my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?