her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
