she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Farmville is her only friend.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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