She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
