Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
