Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
