You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
