i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
