I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
