So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
