i will never coherently bang her
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
