There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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