She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
