the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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