i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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