I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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