His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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