Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
