Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're breaking my sexual little heart
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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