Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
