his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
