I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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