His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
