FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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