There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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