then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
