just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
