i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
