I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
