Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
