my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
