How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A bitchslap is in order.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize