I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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