Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
