yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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