I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
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