of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
