We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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