I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
