Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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