Can i not drive my cunt home
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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