I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
